


If It Means A Lot To You (Saphael) [INCOMPLETE]

by parabatied



Category: Shadowhunters
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hospitals, Leukemia, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sick Character, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 11:03:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11599305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parabatied/pseuds/parabatied
Summary: NOTE: i know this says complete, but it isn't. i just don't know how to change whether it says it is complete or not.Raphael wants to think he's alright. Truth is, though, he isn't the brave soldier he pretends to be; he's scared. Terrified. But at least he has Simon to help him through the hardest thing he never expected to go through.(I promise a happy ending to you guys!)





	1. 1%

**Author's Note:**

> any knowledge of dehydration is my own experience, as i've been sent to the E.R. a few times for it. other knowledge is based off of whatever research i do; i am not a doctor, in fact, i hate doctors. i'll try not to be too detailed with hospital scenes- i don't want to seem like a dumbass.
> 
> wattpad: thisworldinverted  
> instagram: thisworldinverted [shadowhunters], and crystlgms [cartoons]

     He could barely keep his eyes open. He just felt so.. exhausted. It was three in the morning at that point. He'd woken up from his restless slumber to drag himself to the bathroom. Somehow, he hadn't woken Simon.

By 3:05, he was staring down his reflection. He didn't look or feel like himself. Maybe it was the harsh lighting of the bathroom. Maybe it was the haze of sleep. Maybe it was his mind playing tricks. He didn't quite know why; but what he did know was that he looked paler than normal. He looked thinner than he remembered himself being. 

He let the palms of his hands rest on the edge of the sink, and he looked down. Boxers and one of Simon's baggy shirts were pajamas enough in the heat of summer. His knees and shins were bruised. Strange, he thought. I can't remember any way I'd have bruised myself.

It was 3:10 when a drop of something red hit the floor and broke him out of his little trance of trying to identify the cause for his bruising. He blinked and looked up, looked at his reflection and saw the blood dripping from his nose. He nearly jumped, startled. A nose bleed? That was unusual. He raised a hand to wipe some blood from his lip. He'd closed his eyes for a moment and found himself wobbling, dizziness hitting him like a slap to the face.

Slowly, he drew in a deep breath before half-shouting, "Simon!"

His boyfriend came running, of course, and he got to the bathroom door just in time to catch Raphael before he could fall and, quite possibly, break a bone hitting the floor. He pressed his face to Simon's chest, and his boyfriend frowned when he saw the blood that now stained his grey t-shirt. "Whoa, whoa, hey-" He said, sitting Raphael down on the edge of the bathtub and grabbing some tissues.

"Pinch the bridge of your nose. Don't tip your head back," Simon instructed as he handed the tissues to his bloodied boyfriend before wriggling out of his shirt to try and get the blood out. "What happened?" He frowned, rinsing the bloody spot with cold water, soaping it up and managing to save it from a bloody stain.

"I-.. I got dizzy." Raphael said, following Simon's instructions. 

"Before that. Your nose is bleeding," Simon responded. Raphael frowned. "Oh, thank you, I did not know," he muttered. "It just started bleeding for no reason at all," he explained. Simon rubbed his eyes, waking himself up a bit. "Do you feel okay-..?" he asked.

Biting at his lip, Raphael shook his head. "No, not really.. I just.." he shrugged, "hurt." He said bluntly. 

That had been the start of it.

     Raphael was finding it difficult to breath, and Simon noticed. "Babe..? Take a deep breath," he crouched down, resting his hands on Raphael's knees and examining his facial expression. He frowned. "Babe. Breath." 

     He tried. He tried to take a deep breath, and it just didn't work. "I-.. I think I need to go to see a doctor, I don't feel right," he was saying. And he tried to get up, but Simon stopped him. "Stay there. If you get up too fast, you'll get dizzy," he said. "Let me go put some clothes on. I'll grab you some sweatpants, and we'll swing by the hospital. Okay?"

     Raphael could only nod, and Simon rushed off and got himself dressed before bringing back a pair of sweatpants and helping Raphael stand up, slowly. Once the two of them were dressed, Simon put an arm around Raphael. "Can you walk alright?" He asked, to which his boyfriend just nodded. Simon could tell he was struggling, though, gripping onto him like a lifeline. 

     So, Simon just picked him up. And Raphael squeaked, of course, because he always said he hated it when Simon picked him up. He didn't hate it, not really, but he hated that Simon never bothered to give him a heads up.

     When they got to the Emergency Room, the wait was short. Because, well, it was almost four in the morning. Once they did get in, though, the nurse took Raphael's vitals and walked him and Simon to a little room. Raphael hated hospitals. He hated the smell of them. He hated the harsh lighting, and the uncomfortable beds, and worst of all, he hated those awful gowns they made you wear. 

     Simon tried to cheer him up. "Hey," he said, smiling a little. "You look cute." Raphael just glared as he held his right arm out for the nurse to draw blood to see if anything else was wrong. They had told him that he was dehydrated. "Shut up, Simon," he muttered, cheeks flushed pink.

     When another nurse came to get him hooked up to an IV, Raphael's heart sunk. He hated IVs. They, for some reason, terrified him. Before he could fight his fear, he found himself tearing up. He was happy that Simon was there, though. "Hey, shh. It's just real quick, yeah? Won't even hurt, promise," Simon was saying. "Don't look. It'll freak you out. Look at me, babe, okay?" He said, putting his hands on Raphael's cheeks and keeping him looking away from the nurse, who was eyeing the two of them sympathetically.

     Being dehydrated had made for difficulty in finding a vein. Luckily, the nurse was talented enough to find a vein and prick his arm virtually painlessly, taping the tube in place. Raphael couldn't look, even after the IV was already going. It made him nauseous to see a tube in his arm.

     He wouldn't look at anything but Simon.


	2. 2%

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if y'all want to see updates quicker, read this on wattpad. i'll probably update every other day. but i don't get on here often, so if you find yourself impatient, maybe check and see if i've updated this on wattpad instead.

All Raphael wanted to do was go home. He despised the hospital, and he wanted to be home again. Dehydration, of all things? He supposed it wasn't unreasonable. He didn't really drink water. He didn't really drink anything. Simon was never going to give him a break about it.

The nurses had given him a cup of what tasted like water, but left a dry feeling in his mouth. Some sort of medication. They'd made him down one of the most disgusting, crushed-tylenol tasting liquids ever, saying it was for anti-nausea. He wanted to fucking vomit.

It was mid-morning, and Simon was asleep in an uncomfortable looking plastic chair pulled close to the hospital bed. Raphael wanted him closer. They'd tried to work things out so Simon could lay with him, but he kept getting tangled up in the IV in some way or another. Defeated, he'd settled for the chair instead.

Raphael couldn't sleep, but he was glad to see that Simon was able to. In a few hours, he'd be able to go home. After he was less dehydrated and looking less dead, he figured. 

Every once and awhile, a nurse would stop by to make sure things were going alright, check on the drip, and make sure Raphael was drinking like he was supposed to be. Begrudgingly, he was indeed cooperating with them. 

He had nodded in and out of an awkward state of almost-slumber, but it never lasted very long. Eventually, Simon woke up, stretching and mumbling something as he shifted positions in his chair. "Hey," he said. Raphael looked at him and replied with a sleepy, "hey," in response. 

Simon rubbed his eyes. "I'm gonna go run to the bathroom. Are you gonna be alright on your own for a couple of minutes? I won't be long," He had said. Raphael yawned. "Yes, I am fine, shoo. Hurry back," he said, waving his IV-less hand at his boyfriend.

Nearly snorting, Simon stood up and stretched his arms up above his head. He gave Raphael a quick kiss on the lips before jogging off to find the bathroom, leaving Raphael alone.

     He closed his eyes. Tight. Without Simon there, the feeling of the IV in his arm- the knowing it was there,- was more obvious, more bothersome. 

     Raphael was afraid. Not just because of the IV, or because of Simon's absence. Not because of his nosebleed or nausea or dizziness, but because he had an awful feeling about his blood test results. 

     He shifted uncomfortably, yelping when he shifted the tube in his arm. A nurse came in since the saline was gone, unhooking it but leaving the piece of the tube in Raphael's arm there so a new pack of saline could be administered. She glanced at Raphael, saying, "I'll have to go grab another saline bag. I'll be right back," before scurrying off.

     He sat up.

     He sat up too quickly, and the rush in doing so had caused some blood to well up in the piece of tube in his arm. Wide eyed, he squeaked, just as Simon returned. Luckily, the blood wasn't too overwhelming, and Simon gently grabbed Raphael's tube-free arm. "Whoa, hey. Stop, babe," he pushed Raphael back to lay down. 

     The nurse came back, and once she'd pumped the small amount of blood away, she hooked the IV back up to a new bag of saline. Simon smiled a bit sadly and reached a hand out, resting it against Raphael's cheek. "Talked to a nurse on the way back," he said. "After this bag, you should be okay to go home. The lab results should be back in a few days, and all of this hospital shit will be behind us," he said softly.

     His voice was a comfort. 

     Simon's voice was the air in Raphael's lungs most of the time. He calmed down at just the sound of it, and somehow, likely due to being so worked up, he fell asleep, dreaming of home and coffee and waking up tucked under Simon's arm;

     Where he should have been.

A/N: short update today! sorry for the delay >_> i'll probably update every other day if not every day.


	3. 3%

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, so someone mentioned that this story says 'completed.' it isn't, no worries! i'm on mobile, and i don't know how to change it saying it's completed. there's no use trying to give instructions, don't try. so basically, i put INCOMPLETE in the title. i'll put COMPLETE in the title when it is as such. but for now, know that this is not complete, ahah.

     Home again, home again.

Raphael had his chin resting on Simon's shoulder, legs around his boyfriend's waist. "You are awfully handsy today, Simon Lewis," he teased, yawning. "Your hands are on my ass."

Simon nearly snorted. "How else am I supposed to carry you when you've gone all koala mode on me, huh? Besides," he said cheerfully. "I like where my hands are at." He chuckled. 

Rolling his eyes, Raphael bit Simon's shoulder lightly, mumbling against his shirt. "Put me down somewhere, I could use a damn nap," he sighed dramatically. Simon dropped him on the couch, chuckling. "I'll make some coffee. We can cuddle after that, sound like a plan?"

Raphael nodded, and Simon walked off to the kitchen.

Sighing softly, Raphael pulled the folded quilt from over the back of the couch and curled himself up into it, closing his eyes slowly. He fell asleep before Simon finished making the coffee.

     He supposed he must have slept a long while. Enough time for Simon to shower, anyway. Raphael had woken up to the smell of shampoo and cologne, and the calm feeling of Simon's hand in his hair. He tended to do that- play with Raphael's hair while he was watching movies or TV.

     Raphael shifted, blinking the sleep from his eyes and glancing at the TV screen. Reruns of Invader Zim; no surprise there.

     "Hey there, sleepy," Simon mused as Raphael sat up and cuddled up to him, still looking tired out. Simon couldn't really blame him for it. "How long did I sleep?" Raphael inquired, running a hand through Simon's still-wet hair. "You smell like strawberries now," he noted.

     His boyfriend laughed. "I like the smell of strawberry shampoo," he declared. "You slept about an hour and a half. Do you feel a little better?" He asked. Raphael merely shrugged, saying, "I suppose so."

\------

Simon was asleep when Raphael decided he wanted to take a shower. He'd gotten up without disturbing his boyfriend, and made his way to the bathroom after grabbing a change of clothes. At the time, he felt fine.

Mid-shower was when he started feeling dizzy again. He took a moment to lean against the wall with his eyes closed, taking slow, deep breaths. He didn't understand; he was certainly not dehydrated anymore..

Five minutes had passed by then.

His hair was still soapy, but he was still feeling dizzy. He bit his lip. He hated to wake Simon.. He didn't want to have to do that. He wasn't weak or fragile and he most certainly did not need help. Dizzy or not, he decided to just rush and rinse his hair out, having to take occasional breaks to lean on the wall.

The edges of his vision were going dark, and he felt nausea hit him like a brick, though it had been ever so brief.

He wasn't aware his knees felt weak until he fell with a rather loud yelp. He didn't cuss often, but he had blurted just about every curse word in the book by then. Simon had woken up at the sound and scampered in immediately.

"What happened?" He was asking frantically. 

Raphael winced. "I.. fell," he muttered, letting Simon help him up. He turned the shower off, snatching a towel from off of the bathroom sink and wrapping it low around his hips. Simon was frowning. "You want some help-..?" He offered.

"I'm alright," Raphael said. A lie, he knew. And Simon seemed to know, too. He leaned against the sink, a worried look plastered on his face. "God, I'm tired," Raphael mumbled, taking a breath. He shook his head and started to dry off, unbothered by his boyfriend's staring.

The next day would be the worst day of their lives, not that either of them knew it at that point in time.

Raphael got himself dressed in loose-fitting pajamas- a set of Simon's pajamas,- and put his arms around the taller boy, closing his eyes and breathing in the smell of Simon's cologne, which was much better than the hospital smell they'd both reeked off upon arriving home. 

"Could we go to bed, please?" He requested. Simon nodded and pet Raphael's hair gently, humming. "Yeah, of course," he said softly. He picked Raphael up, and for once, there were no complaints.

Raphael had missed the comfortable bed he shared with Simon. He'd missed the smell of candles in their room. He'd missed the heavy duvet. He'd missed,- more than anything,- the feeling of Simon pressed up behind him, arms around him tightly.

It made him feel secure. Safe. Loved.

Happy.

Raphael fell asleep feeling happy that night. That happiness would prove to be a short-lived thing, but he would savour it while it lasted.


End file.
